I am uncertain as to whether I suffer from any triggers.
There are things that bother me sure. Things that I’m afraid of and have nightmares about. But if I honestly think about it, I don’t really get triggered by any of the things that can cause anxiety in me. Thinking about/going on a plane doesn’t give panic attacks, breaking bones disturbs me but not to a crippling degree, and the only time I get majorly freaked out by death is if I actively think about dying.
But then there are people on tumblr who… and I don’t want to say “trigger me” because I know that term gets overused by people who don’t actually have triggers, and I don’t want to offend the people who really do have it, but there are people on tumblr whose existence, let alone the things they’ve done to me in the past, does horrible things to my mind. When I’ve seen that they reblogged or responded to any of my posts, my heart races fast (in the worst way possible) and my chest feels really tight. When I see them talking to other tumblr users or see posts that reference them, sometimes I’m okay and just feel a quick flare of displeasure before moving on. But other times I’ll unwillingly think back to the things they’ve done to me and I’ll fall into a deep depression and self-loathing and bitter anger that can last from hours to an entire day. Knowing that they think they’ve done nothing wrong and continue to do this to other people makes it even worse.
If I really am being triggered by these people (and again, I’d rather not use that word if it really doesn’t apply to me) then what the hell am I supposed to do about that? I’ve already done everything I could. I’ve blocked them and blacklisted their names so I wouldn’t have to see them on my dash anymore. But they still show up. People I’m following still talk to them. I can’t demand that they stop and I’m not going to unfollow them. I can’t make those people not exist.
And even if I could, it doesn’t make what happen unhappen. It doesn’t get them out of my head.